What tattoo do you want and where would you put it?
What is this the devilishment! Corruptor of souls! How dare you, sir! How dare you tempt the youth with such vile imaginings! Such filth! Begone, Spawn of Satan! Begone!
Client: What was that?
Tattoo Artist: Hm?
Client: There was a slight chill just now? Is there a window open?
Tattoo Artist: Ah. That’s Preacherman, our poltergeist.
Client: What do you mean, poltergeist?
Tattoo Artist: This place is 700 years old. We have at least five ghosts. They’re usually pretty chill, but then we had the extension done a couple years ago and Preacherman showed up.
Client: Preacherman?
Tattoo Artist: We had Beatrice come round, she’s the Wiccan two blocks over. Apparently, all those weird breezes we kept on having were Preacherman throwing a fit. He’s way more powerful than the others, probably because he doesn’t really know he’s dead? At least Beatrice says so. She checked the history. Apparently, there was a guy named Parsimonious Spigot who was chased down by a mob. He was one of those Hellfire preachers who hated the theatre, except with Charless II back people weren’t having Preacherman’s Puritan BS. Beatrice says the mob hung him off a pub sign right across the street.
Client: Wow. And he doesn’t know he’s dead?
Tattoo Artist: Beatrice say it’s more about believing you died? Like, if you don’t believe it, the whole dying thing doesn’t actually happen, so you stay stuck in limbo. It’s a bit complicated. Preacherman is apparently so powerful because it really hasn’t sunk in yet that he’s dead. So, he stays stuck here without actually being here, you know what I mean?
Client: I think so. So he’s a ghost without actually knowing he’s a ghost?
Tattoo Artist: Yeah. Except he’s really dead so he can’t move on to wherever people go next.
Client: Poor man.
Tattoo Artist: Don’t feel sorry for him. He burnt 15 women at the stake because someone accused them of witchcraft.
Client: No! That’s horrible!
Tattoo Artist: Preacherman is horrible. Pretty hateful guy. Beatrice says a rumor was enough for him to burn a woman to death, so, y’know, he got what he deserved.
Client: Except he doesn’t know he’s dead.
Tattoo Artist: Personally, I think he’s having a forever meltdown. I mean, imagine you’re dead but you don’t know it. That’s gotta mess with your head something vicious, right? And now there’s our place and he’s been pretty much losing it ever since.
Client: How so?
Tattoo Artist: You wanted an Ankh, didn’t you? On your ankle? You have the picture with you?
Client: Oh yes, here it is. It’s really pretty isn’t it.
Filthy Whore of Babylon! Spawn of Satan! I rebuke you! I rebuke you! See her demonic script! Witch! I banish you to the Unholy Realm! Devil’s Brood! Burn her! Burn her!
Client: Oh dear, there’s that chill again.
Tattoo Artist: That’s nothing. Watch this.
Client: Wait, that’s a pentagram and a triple 6.
THE SIGN OF THE BEAST!!! ABOMINATION!!! IN THE NAME OF THE ALMIGHTY GOD!!! I CONDEMN YOU SATANIC FILTH TO THE FIRES OF HELL!!!
Client: Oh wow! It moved! The piece of paper you wrote it on! Look! It just flew to the ground! How did you do that?
Tattoo Artist: That was Preacherman. Pretty sure he’s going batshit crazy right now.
THE FIRES OF HELL HAVE CONSUMED US!!! MERCIFUL FATHER WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN US?!?! LOOK!!! OH WE SHALL ALL BE PUNISHED!!! WHAT IMPUNITY!!! SHAMELESS IGNOMY!!! FILTH!!! TO MOVE THUS UNDER GOD’S INFINITE EYE!!! SINNERS!!! DEMONS!!! VILE ABOMINATIONS!!! SEE HOW THEY DEFY THE HOLY LAW!!! HEATHENS!!! SAVE US, ALMIGHTY GOD!!! SAVE US!!! THE END HAS COME!!! SAVE US!!! NOOOOOO!!! THE SATANIC PEN HAS BEEN RAISED!!!! WE ARE FORSAKEN!!! WE ARE FORSAKEN!!!
Tattoo Artist: So, let’s get started shall we?
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