*comms activated*

What are you good at?

Boss: No, I said no. – Yah.

Agent: Boss.

Boss: Are you kidding me.

Agwnt: No, sir.

Boss: What is it this time.

Agent: Skills. Might be deep mining. There have been movements.

Boss: We literally just fixed it.

Agent: It’s an active operation, sir. Wilford confirmed.

Boss: Christ.

Agent: Should I -?

Boss: Yes, yes, Mission Control!

Agent: Notified, sir

© 2025 threegoodwords

*opens comms, again*

What personal belongings do you hold most dear?

Boss: This better be important.

Agent: Boss.

Boss: Not again.

Agent: They’re trying to break into the vault, sir.

Boss: Didn’t we shut them down three days ago?

Agent: They rebuilt, sir.

Boss: Bloody hell. Well, there’s nothing to it. You know what to do.

Agent: Alert sent, sir.

Boss: Anything else?

Agent: We should have staff on site, sir. This looks like a constant.

Boss: You know upstairs and extending budgets.

Agent: Just a thought, sir.

Boss: Keep it to yourself. You’re doing good work here and I don’t want you bumped off to Central. You know what they do in Central.

Agent: Understood, sir.

Boss: Now get back to what you were really doing. Over and out.

©2025 threegoodwords

#friday

*Hugh Grant squint*

Do you have any collections?

That is a terrible question. Phenomenal. Frankly, I’m horrified. The police should arrest you. Constable? Arrest this man. Yes, arrest him. Now. For asking silly questions. No wait, that would be public nuisance, wouldn’t it. Yes, yes, take him away. Clap him in chains. Throw him into the Tower of London. It’s haunted, isn’t it? The Tower. In London. Yes. Good Lord, don’t you know your own history? You should be ashamed of yourself. Look at you, sitting there with your microphone, clueless of your own forebears. Don’t tell me. Your last name is Hartford, isn’t it? See. You must be at least a little bit English. Shameful. How can you not know? You should read a book, you know. Reading is good for you. Oh, you do? What kind? Well then. Honestly, how did you survive Shakespeare if you don’t know about the Tower of London? Have you even seen a play? Good God. Oh? That doesn’t count. Everyone has seen Romeo and Juliet. Every pimply teenager with groinal urges has seen Romeo and Juliet. I’m not exaggerating. Sex, death, and religion, what more could you want? Best of them have all three. Come now, don’t be so prudish. You Americans, always up in arms about everything. Isn’t that exhausting? I’d be exhausted. Every five minutes some new outrage. Wretched. I’d be very upset if I were you. Is this coffee? Horrific stuff. Never drink it. Ah, tea. Thank God, much better.

© 2025 threegoodwords

*Denzel Washington look*

Are you a leader or a follower?

Say that again. No, no, no, if you’re so bold to say that mess out loud, you can stand right there and repeat what you just said. Let everybody hear it. Go on. Say it with your chest. Louder. There ya go. Wasn’t so hard now, was it. Ok. Ok. What do you think. I want your opinion, kid. What do you think I am. I am standing right here, boy, no need to look around. They don’t know, forget them. But you know, big man, don’t you. What am I. A what? A leader? Imagine that. A leader. A leader. And what do you call leaders? Speak up! Sir, exactly. There. Everybody hear that? Sir. See, we all learned something today. Now, stop wasting my time and get back out there. That’s right. Right on that green grass. Mr. Marley’s been keepin’ it healthy for us, hasn’t he. Say thank you to Mr. Marley. See, manners. Now get out. You need me to write you a letter? Move. Move! Move! You, too, Davy, get outta here.

© 2025 threegoodwords

what the…

List your top 5 favorite fruits.

Agent: Boss, they’re doing it again!

Boss: What are they asking this time?

Agent: Fruits, boss. Five of them.

Boss: Call Mission Control. This is getting out of hand.

#humpday

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