boy meets girl

November 5, 2014February 9, 2015

hook, line…

Not PG rated

Word was out. Chris ‘Dizzy’ Leroy was out of the clink, his boys were already waiting. Tall enough to try for the pro leagues if he’d ever had a head for school, Chris was muscular too, inked up nice, he always went to the pros. Everyone called him Dizzy, he no longer remembered why, just like no one knew he never liked it.He was Chris, but the only person who called him that was his Gran, Gran who opened her arms wide when he walked up the stairs, smiling ‘My boy’s back’ before hugging him with her tiny arms. Said nothing about how strong the woman was though. Dragged him down the street once, nearly tore his ear off, hollerin’ how often she told him to get back when the lights came on, he had no goddamn manners. That was Gran though, tough as nails. Best woman on the whole fuckin’ planet.

Friday night, and Tala was out clubbing with her girls. It was just them, no guys, they were going to have some fun. Tala was in the best mood. The week was good, her boss praised her for finishing the project perfectly in record time, and she meant it too. Nobody looked pissed, she was getting ‘genuine feedback’ as they called it. She could see that they were taking her seriously now, she really did know what she was doing. Those night courses really were helping, it was good that she followed through with that.

Now it was Friday, and Tala felt like partying, celebrating, simply enjoying herself, and going out with her girls was just the thing. The club was great, the house was packed, everyone was having such an awesome time Tala just felt happy. Then she turned and saw him. Great build. The kind of chocolate skin that made a girl lick her lips. Ripped. You could see it past that shirt. And a calm face, the kind of seriously handsome dark face with eyes that just sucked you in. She looked a little more, then she stopped. Her Moma told her to stay away from them. No matter how good they looked. ‘They like sugar, girl. The better they look, the worse they are. You need to look out for your health with that head o’ yours. It’s just too good to waste on all that honey that don’t keep your stomach full.’ Or the other one, it was last weekend actually, they were out shopping and of course her Moma caught her looking at Will Delaney who was picking up some ice and had grown up to look real good. Tala got, ‘Stop givin’ him those looks,’ for that. ‘Next thing you know he’s hangin’ around my porch like some lost puppy. What? Look at him. Best way to get yourself big, and I ain’t talkin’ about fat. And a Delaney too. All talk and no sense, those boys. Why’re you still lookin’? Didn’t you hear anything I just said?’ So Tala, dancing in the club with her girls, Tala turned back to her drink and didn’t look again.

Chris had decided it was time to see people. He hadn’t been with a woman since he was out of the joint, and he wanted to see some again. There was this new place everyone was talkin’ about so he decided to join. He had to get back to normal, remember how it was outside. It was his second time now, the first time he was in juvi at fourteen, Gran nearly killed him after. This second time it was either three months for him or six years for Dwayne, his cousin, who talked him into driving that bullshit car… just thinking about it got Chris to the wrong side of angry. He’d known it was bad. He just didn’t think Dwayne was that fucking stupid. Still, it was six years for his cousin, if he didn’t say nothin’, so he spoke up. Dwayne got two, he got three months since he’d been steady since Gran nearly put him in a coffin after juvi, but the Feds had to do something, and the judge knew it.

Anyway, he was out now, finally, the air smelled real again, and there were women everywhere. Chris didn’t want to rush it though, push it too fast and suddenly you had a set of claws in your back you never saw coming. Or some thug who decided you’d looked at his girl wrong. So Chris hung back, watched first, loving what he was seeing. The place was packed up tight, and the women… yeah, this was – what the – There, again. That girl, dancing. Fuck… Everything, just everything about her was… He wanted to feel that ass in his hands, all round. He wanted those legs around him, he wanted her naked and wet, fuck, he’d fuck her so good, she’d never want anythin’ else – there was no way he was just gonna stand around and do nothin’.

Chris walked up to her when one of her girls went to get more drinks. He stayed to the side and watched her, he didn’t want to come on too fast , but fuck she was… He waited till she looked. She did and smiled, shyly. She had style. There were no guys around her, and she only danced with her girls. When they left the floor he sent her a drink, something simple but good and she appreciated it, smiling at him and raising her glass. He could see how her girls worked her to do something, how she looked and got all shy again and smiled. He helped her by walking half the distance. Finally, she came over. She said Hi, and he nodded, said what he had to say, what her name was, who she was with. She told him, smiling like that, still shy. He wanted to peel that top off her and see those tits that were just waiting for his mouth, fuck they were… Her skin looked… he’d forgotten how perfect, perfect really was.

They talked some his name, hers, Tala, Chris, what she was doin’ out with her girls, the dj, the music, the club, until one of his boys crashed in and he saw how she got scared. Ray wasn’t the type a girl like her would look at twice, and Ray just slapped his back and nearly fucked it all up. She went back to her girls, ran back actually, and Chris tried not to show how pissed he was. Fuck Ray. She didn’t look at him again, so he did his best to get rid of Ray and finally could got him to stay busy with some girl whose tits were almost spilling out, but by then Tala was already leaving. Chris left the club and finally called after her out on the curb. She stopped and talked to her girls who pushed her towards him. He said, ‘Sorry ‘bout that. Ray’s some of my old crowd.’ ‘He’s not, like, dangerous, is he?’ she asked, her eyes wide. He wanted to touch her so bad he’d have sworn Ray was a fucking angel if he’d known that would get her to stay. ‘They’re gone,’ was all he said. She looked less nervous, but still nervous. He had to get her to stay with him, so he said, ‘Look. I’d like to see you. How ‘bout you pick a place and I’ll see you there.’ She looked confused. ‘See me? When?’ ‘Now. If you got time.’ She looked back at her girls who were giggling and waving her to stay. ‘Well…’ ‘Pick a place. Any place.’ ‘Not mine,’ she said, looking nervous again. ‘Ok.’ ‘And not yours either.’ ‘Ok.’ ‘I’d say a hotel, but…’ ‘But what?’ ‘I’m not a prostitute,’ she said, and he knew, just the way she said it, he knew this one had brains. He didn’t know why that just made everything ten times better. Brains usually meant trouble, but he wouldn’t mind trouble from her. ‘Never thought you were,’ he said. ‘Know one?’ he added. ‘One?’ ‘Hotel? Know one we could go to?’ ‘Um… yeah. I mean… yeah, I do.’ ‘Ok.’

So they went, taking a cab, she wouldn’t get into his car. They reached the place, he’d never seen it before, though he knew the street. They went in and she smiled at the girl up front who said ‘Tala! Hey, darling!’ She smiled and they whispered and finally she had a card and they went up to the room. There was a mini bar, she said they could use it, so he mixed a Jack with coke, and they were on the couch and she looked at him with, ‘So. What next?’ He showed her. She loved it. She loved it so much she gave him her number the next mornin’.

October 10, 2014May 17, 2020

together, apart

Man, that was too much – wait, what the – table’s laid, candles. I know Aly’s with J. Some concert, they’re always at some concert or reading or whatever. Lemme check first. Yep, Nisha’s in the kitchen, playin’ cook. Ok. First get rid of this – I should really get that fixed. Any deeper and the stuffin’s out. How did she get in? I say ‘Hi’ anyway. Nisha turns and smiles wide. She looks good. And she’s in that mood again, wrappin’ her arms around my neck and kissing me like that’s so normal.

‘How’d you get in?’
‘Aly borrowed me her key.’

Thought so.

‘So what is it?’
‘What’s what?’

I nod at the stove. Nisha smiles.

snack ‘It’s a recipe from my Moma – don’t worry, I know how to make it.’
‘I’ll take a shower first.’
‘Sure. Take your time. Still got half an hour.’
‘Cool.’

The water’s hot and good, Aly’s place always has good pressure. I don’t get what Nisha’s up to. She hasn’t talked to me for over a month, six weeks actually. For all I know she’s been fucking that studio guy since we fought. So why now?

She must have memorised her Moma’s recipe, coz that was seriously good. We’re on the couch now, and watching a movie. I think she’s trying to make this out like some kind o’ date night. Yeah, I’m surprised, this ain’t the Nisha I know, but I keep it down. Nisha’s been honey sweet all evening, course I don’t trust it. She’s up to something. Movie’s about done, she’ll probably start right after. Unless I can catch her off guard.

‘Nisha.’
‘Hm.’
‘What’s goin’ on.’
‘What?
‘You’re here.’
‘Yeah, course I am.’
‘Why’re you here?’’
‘Coz I missed you,’ she smiles and squeezes up against me. Yeah, right. She must’ve seen it, coz she ups it with,
‘So I hear you’ve been goin’ out some.’
‘Really.’
‘Yeah. Some white girl downtown.’

Shit. I better call her up, check if she’s ok. You never know with Nisha. She’s got sources.

‘Says who?’
‘Who cares? I heard it. It ain’t true, is it?’

Nisha’s way too calm about this. I really should check on her, Amanda. Longer you say it, better it gets. Last thing she needs is Nisha on her case. Knowing her, she wouldn’t know how to deal with that. I keep it to,

‘So, why’re you here?’

Nisha straddles me and starts kissing my face.

‘I missed you, baby, ain’t that enough?’
‘Hm.’

I watch her take off her top, bra, her tits plop out nice. When she leans down again I can’t help myself. ‘Tanisha, why’re you here?’ She sits up and looks at me like I’m a fuckin’ asshole for asking.

‘What’s so crazy about me wanting to see my boyfriend?’
‘I thought we’d quit?’

She didn’t expect that.

‘Coz you see, someone told me you’re fucking that guy from the studio.’

She rolls her eyes and smiles, a bit too sly.

‘Oh come on, baby, that was nothing.’
‘Tanisha.’

She sighs loudly and sits back again.

‘What’s your problem, Car?’
‘I don’t have a problem. I’m just surprised you’re here.’
‘Why?’

She really doesn’t understand. I push her off my lap and get up.

‘Where’re you goin’?’ Like I have no right to leave.
‘Bathroom.’

Her sigh sounds relieved. She probably thinks I’m getting a Trojan. I close the door, it still smells like Aly’s perfume in here. Now, either I let Nisha have her way then she’ll leave me alone, or I say no and it’ll be some serious shouting till 3 a.m. Today was way too long for that. Aly really needs to stop giving Nisha my key.

Aly’s bed is awesome, seriously, where’d she get this mattress from? Even better than Amanda’s and that one’s already too good. Nisha’s on me doing her work with a smile. First time I’m glad the Trojan’s between us. I watch her, tits bouncing, her arms stretched out, hands flat against the wall. She looks good like this, but I know it’s over. I don’t want this anymore. Even fucking her ain’t half the fun it used to be. Yeah, that’s givin’ up one hell of a blow, but it’s not the same no more. All that noise after, I don’t need that right now. And after Aly and J. and that You really think you’ll make it? There’s no point really. Nisha’s almost done, but what’s there is Amanda sleeping in her bed. She sleeps like a kid, happy in a way. I like that.

Light flashes like stars up close and he holds up a hand to protect her from the stares. She said he needed to get out, show his face, prove that he was back again. He wants to open the pavement and slide back underground where it is warm and silent with sounds that make sense. She keeps his hand in hers and smiles when she hears the questions, pulling him on, down the broad red line, passed giants with beetle eyes into a cave full of diamonds. Heart beating he asks for some peace and quiet and she tells him that he will be all right. They take chairs in the shadows, the stage is alight. He hears words that ask him what he wants, he thinks ‘her body in mine’, but says nothing and hears her voice instead. She orders something simple for two, he leans over to her, yet she turns too soon and he meets her lips instead of her ear. She smiles and asks him to relax, that is all he needed. He leans back, looks and recognizes faces. They smile back at him, their eagerness irritating. There is structure here, obstructing. There are lines and patterns, circles and squares, and she moves among them with ease while he feels every inch and corner, every sharp edge on his skin.

It’s the 7^th and a Sunday, which is good, that gives me time. Six hotdogs, the Special. Four should do, but you never know, watching water always makes me hungry and it’ll be a whole day out there. They guy packs them tight in the box bag. The lining keeps them good for at least three hours. It takes two to get up there, one and a half if the traffic’s ok. I pay, and walk out, the car’s already rented, that way I know it’s clean and won’t break down on me half way. Plus, it’s nice driving something you’re not used to. An SUV this time, what do they call it, champagne, with off-white seats and awesome headboard.

Look at him check me out. Yeah, that’s my ride. He’s impressed man, seriously impressed. Aly hates it how people get all worked up about cars, but man… One day I’ll get one on my own. I’ll drive it to work and pick the kids up on my way home. A big house with one of those kitchens where you can have a real breakfast with the kids, cook a big dinner and lay out the ribs for some serious BBQ. One of those long dinner tables for Thanksgiving, get Ma and Gran over, Uncle Vince, Ricky, Cam, Nate and everyone else. An awesome den for the Superbowl. A back yard you can put a pool in and have the kids’ friends over for their birthdays. Two, Junior and my girl. Maybe three if she’s up for it. Yeah, one day this won’t be rented. With Takeshi and Bruce around, it’ll work, I know it, and I’m definitely going to that dinner. Kesh said there’d be some people there who’d give me some good pointers, he’d already told his Dad I was coming, and Aly promised she’d help me figure out the suit, so that’s covered. Richardson said my business plan looked solid, meant it too, plus, I aced that Macro exam, so yeah. One day, this’ll be mine.

Traffic’s fine. Player’s on Jigga, but I’m keepin’ it low, I need to be solid once I’m there. It’s like changing gears driving up there, stepping back, cooling down. Calm, yeah, that’s what it is up there. And they expect you to tone it down, but it’s like I’ve lost a layer when I’m there, like it’s all gone once I get out o’ the car. It’s getting better though, way better than before.

Car’s parked, I’ve got the bag box, keys – yeah. All set. There’s no one on the pier though it’s pretty warm for now, some wind, but low. The sun’s behind the clouds. The benches are empty, but I sit down all the same and smell the sea. That’s the most in your face smell, seaweed. You can’t mix it up with anything else. pier And the sky. It’s grey today, kind o’ flinty. Yeah, they’d say flinty to that. – There. Fuck, already. But I don’t turn until I hear the steps stop and look up. She doesn’t smile right away, but she does smile. That smile. Really, that smile. Then she says, ‘Hi, Alec,’ right after.

‘Hi, Celine.’
‘You been waiting long?’

I shake my head. She sits down next to me and looks at me, eyes wide. They’re this deep, deep black with whites like milk and endless lashes. Movie eyes, in close up, that’s what they are, beautiful just ain’t enough. Last time we’d hugged by now and she gave me two of those French kisses, quick and soft on my cheek. I don’t know anyone else who does that – there. One, two. Her lips are as soft as ever.

‘You look good,’ she says, smiling. ‘Those new?’ She reaches out, pinches my earlobe.
‘Yeah.’
‘Nice. Look at you, all urban chic.’

She laughs there, showing off that smile. Really, that smile. Nothing beats that smile.

‘Yeah, it’s good, pretty tricky actually as it’s all stream of consciousness and you have to really allow yourself to get into the character, you know, find your way into Stephen’s mind and forget that you’re in the twenty-first century, but that you’re this Irish kid who went to a really strict Catholic school. He had a hell of a time there and he’s got all these issues when it comes to women anyway – did you get to the part with the prostitute? Yeah? Weird don’t you think? Imagine us living there, I mean, course, it’d be different for us, but think we’d be some Irish kids back then, I mean, we couldn’t just sit here eat hotdogs, drink coke and just talk about, well just talk really. Y’know? There were all these rules, all these do’s and don’ts, all this stuff you weren’t allowed to look at, all these things you weren’t allowed to think about or speak about. I always feel that back then people were surrounded by this huge web, no, labyrinth of forbidden stuff and you had to navigate through it without making a wrong move, y’know, like in Indiana Jones, when they’re looking for the Holy Grail and he steps on the wrong stone and falls through? Yeah, something like that. Say the wrong thing or go to the wrong place, basically be interested in something you shouldn’t be interested in, something people say you shouldn’t even think of, and you’re done for. Unless you’re really strong, but I don’t know if I could be that strong. Not just muscles you know, but that inner strength, sticking things through coz you know that’s what’s for you, or like J. used to say, ‘your truth’, y’know? I think that’s really tough. Are they still together by the way? That’s great, he needs someone like her, at least she gets him. Anyway, I went off on a tangent there, sorry. It’s great that you’re reading it, that’s awesome. I know I had to really put myself back while reading it, really forget myself, you know, and try a different mode of thinking, see the world, or rather Stephen’s world, through his eyes, and not my interpretation of it. It wasn’t easy, but it was cool. It got tedious at times, but still it’s worth it. And it’s a great start for Modernism, though you better read a bit of Pound and Woolf if you want to get the whole thing, and then there’s Eliot of course but I don’t know. We just did Prufrock – it’s this loooong poem about a guy who’s nuts basically, it’s kind of depressing, but the images are good and it takes ages to interpret anyway, but it’s ok and my professor’s great so it’s not too bad. That’s really cool that you’re reading it, Portrait I mean, I’d really love to hear what you think of it when you’re done.’

She smiles then, that happy, satisfied smile that comes from that other world she lives in, where you spend a night listening to Mozart and Beethoven, where you talk about culture and revolutions over dinner, where every minute of every day is spent improving yourself, seeing more, hearing more, reading more, filling yourself up with more and more, but she never seems to get enough of it, or get bored. It’s as if the more she finds the more she wants. She’s got another new book in her bag, some Argentinian I basically should read asap, it sounds like something Hayworth would put on people. And there’s these guys from France with an awesome new track she wants me to check out. She’s always got something new, every damn time she’s found something everybody already knows about and I’ve never even heard of. It doesn’t bother her though, not knowing. She doesn’t mind finding out, I think she enjoys it, figuring out what’s out there, even though it’s fuckin’ endless. And it’s not like she got bored with what we’ve got, but more like our stuff makes her think of something else she needs to figure out. I wish I could do that, y’know, not get bothered and just take up everything like that, just soak it up like she does and deal with it.

She takes out her second hotdog, unwraps the foil, takes in the smell, sighs and smiles, ‘God, these are the best.’ She takes a bite and closes her eyes, chewing. I always liked how she just enjoyed her food. She was never picky about what she could eat, date nights were seriously easy with her.

‘So you and Tanya?’ she starts.
‘Tanisha.’

She nods and takes another bite of her hotdog. She’s changed her hair. Her braids reach to her back now, all black. They’re so tiny the few that came out whip around her head in the wind. Her skin’s still as smooth as ever. I’ve never met a girl with her kind of skin. It’s flawless, like those toffees poured out smooth.

‘You still see her?’ she asks. I don’t know what to say. I haven’t seen Nisha in a while. I told Aly to stop giving her my key. Word has it Nisha’s livid but she hasn’t come to shout, at least not yet. I’ve been busy anyway, finals kept me locked up in the library most days. Now that’s over and I’m pretty sure I got everything covered. It wasn’t easy, they really take it out on you, like, drain your brain with those questions, but I answered all of them like in the mocks and I aced almost all of those, so yeah. And Hayworth keeps on nodding and smiling when he sees me, so I should be ok.

‘So you’re not?’ she asks again.
‘I don’t know.’

She chuckles a little and wipes a small smudge of mustard from the corner of her mouth with her ring finger, she still does that. Her nails are short, manicured, she’s not wearing rings. The studs in her ears might be real diamonds and she smells just like she used to.

‘Are you seeing anyone?’

She nods her head in a yes-and-no.

‘I’ve been pretty busy, but there’s this guy who’s quite nice. We go out for drinks and stuff, but it isn’t really serious.’
‘Do you…’

She looks at me and smiles before she takes a sip from her coke. I don’t know what that smile means. I never did really.

She doesn’t say more and I watch the sea. The waves are blue, green, grey, black and yellow and white. They’re all colors actually. The air’s that real, deep ocean smell that’s all fresh and stays in your head for days. waves 2 I take out the last of my three and we both eat silently for a while. We could always do that, just sit together and not talk without anything getting awkward. Celine can talk like a book, yeah, but she can be real quiet too. And warm, all curled up, her skin so fucking smooth under the sheets, but there’s no point remembering that anymore. When she’s done with hers, she leans into me and drinks from her coke. Her head’s warm under my chin and the wind died down a little. She still smells like she used to. Just like home.

October 4, 2014May 17, 2020

Not PG rated

It’s one of Nisha’s girls’ birthday today. She’ll probably come home sometime round six, but that’s okay. I can go out with my boys for a change, haven’t seen them since… dunno. The usual night out, a bar and then a club, nothing big. Jermaine and Vaughn know what a guy needs when his girl’s out, and so far they’re head on. The place is packed, the girls are hot and the drinks aren’t just water, so it’s all good. Wait, I know her. She looks like that waitress from the diner.

‘Yo, Car, one more?’

That’s Vaughn. I keep it short, ‘Gotta check on something.’ Jermaine’s one big grin. Yeah, it’s her all right.

‘Hi.’
‘Hi!’

That smile. It’s got something. She looks good done up like that. ‘You look nice.’ She smiles. Really nice. The music’s right, yeah, why not. Nice skin, not too much make up. Yeah, that looks good. She can move, too. Nice. The boys won’t stop hollerin’, but it’s all good. Yeah, that’s good. Sweet.

So this is her place. No man round with all that pink. Not bad. Let’s see what she does. A bit nervous, but that’s normal, they always get like that once it’s quiet, unless you prefer the ones who’ve been around, but you never know with them. Shit gets crazy sometimes, and I don’t need that right now. She’s cute though. Nice hair, real dark and all curly. Okay, lemme get comfortable. Good mattress. I pull her close, slow, she’s still staring. She’s got huge eyes. Really nice legs. She hasn’t done this often, even better. She smells good – yeah, that’s good. No bra. Perfect. Her tits are warm and heavy, the kind Nisha would love to have. She’s what d’they call it – yeah, responsive, that’s good. Seriously good bed. Nice panties. Look at her blush. She tries to explain, but hey, nobody’s perfect, and it’s not like I want them on her anyway. Trimmed, even better. I like a woman who takes care of herself without going all Hub on you. Let’s get this off her, good. Now the shirt – yeah, I worked hard for these. Her fingers are cool, she’s really loving it. Where’s that – there. Yeah, she’s ready, still tastes like that last cocktail. ‘Don’t worry, I’ll do it.’ A bit excited. She really hasn’t done this often. Let’s hope she’s okay with it. Okay, she’s getting nervous. ‘Hey. Hey. Amanda. Look at me.’ She doesn’t immediately, but she looks up again. I smile to keep her eyes on me and she doesn’t look away. She opens her mouth a little. I kiss her and go all the way. She’s holding her breath. ‘Ok?’ I ask. Say yes, coz damn girl you’re perfect. She nods, her eyes still closed. I pull back and she breathes out again. Yeah…

That was sweet. Lucky she didn’t ask for my digits. She’s got a deep sleep though, shouldn’t let too many strangers come to her house. But that was good, she probably hasn’t had too many. Nice. Now, let’s see, five o’clock. Nisha’s probably still out. No need to rush. Man, I’m hungry. Next time I’m in that diner, I’ll ask her out for a coffee or something. She’d be one for coffee. Dinner and a movie. Some serious winin’ and dinin’. It’d be good with her. Probably was her first time though, takin’ a complete stranger home. Well, sort o’ complete stranger. Real nice body. All tight and hot inside, sucks you right in. Nice tits, ass ain’t too flat, comes nicely, not too loud either, just the right thing for a Saturday night. I really gotta get something to eat, man, I’m dyin’.

* * *

It’s hard to say if he’s awake or not but she’s sitting there watching him. He can feel her hand around his, her fingers cool and long, warming up in the small cavity. There are no shadows in the room and by the light it must be morning, close to noon. A door opens and the nurse walks in, they talk a little, she checks the machines and leaves again. He can see it all and hear it all but it is very far away. All he knows is her hand holding his, her fingers warming on his skin.

They are talking softly, he hears her whisper into his ear, telling him a story he can’t remember but makes a smile grow in his head. She is close now, closer than when she first came, lying next to him, one hand under her head, her other still holding his. The nurse comes in but doesn’t say anything. She does her routine and tells her if she wants to eat, she will have to go to the cafeteria. She nods and says thank you but he holds her hand tighter. She can’t leave. The shadows are too long in the corners, and even Hunter can’t scare them away in his noiseless sleep.

Midnight, and darkness is a bright light on the street outside. The bed is empty, he has lost his body and is searching for his limbs. They are hidden in the streetlight and he sits up to find them again. She’s in the room, sleeping soundly on a makeshift bed next to the window. Carefully he unpins himself from the machines. The tiles are like ice under his feet but he crosses the river easily. Under her covers the sun is warm and bright. He can taste her scent, he can feel the heat her body is hiding under her skin. She stirs slowly and finally turns around to him, her face all shadows, her shape clear to his inner sight. He feels her hand on his skin, the fist under his chest is pounding again, hitting hard against the walls of his body. He hesitates to touch her lips but he finds them soft and waiting and pulls her close, into him, but she knows better and slips a hand past his waist where it lies waiting, waiting. Her fingers are gentle, stroking muscle and skin, applying pressure in places he had forgotten existed. Under her breath she starts to speak, softly, the fall of her voice familiar like breathing seeping into his head like warmth filling it with something lost and forgotten her hand moving warm soft fitting the rush of blood to his head drains and congeals to something hard and hot that disintegrates like a sharp sound of glass breaking in the sun.

Morning finds him alone with Hunter, the other bed empty except for the sunlight spilling over it as if wasted. He has no memory of what happened after the breaking. All he knows is that his body is hungry and he has to leave this place, return to the city and find that space where they can talk again.

* * *

The door opens. Dana looks up and is disappointed again. Christie has told her to stop hoping, ‘He won’t come darlin’, they never do when you want them to.’ But Dana can’t help it. It’s been three months since they met so randomly in that club, where he saw her and walked up to her, where they danced and he paid a few drinks, where they kissed and she let him take her home. She hadn’t thought about it, it just happened, just like leaves fall off a tree.

Dana tries to concentrate on the new order, but memory is a tricky thing. Sometimes it’s very accurate, and while she leans over the counter to place the next order, she remembers how he held her hips and kissed the corner between her neck and ear, right there, that small hollow.

The door opens again and Dana looks at the newcomer, but it’s never him. He left early in the morning while she was still asleep, and Christie said she should be grateful she got him at all, he wasn’t the kind you could just get that easily. Samantha said, ‘Enjoy it, sweetie. They’re not always as good as this.’

The woman on the other side of the counter asks for the steak menu and Dana smiles and writes down the order. She asks if the woman wants an aside, but she shakes her head and Dana passes her order after pouring out some coffee. At this time of the day, the first cup’s for free.

‘Amanda,’ someone says. Dana turns around. Her whole body smiles. He’s leaning against the wall, smoking a cigarette, wearing one of those big black jackets, it fits him very well. It’s still very cold outside and his scull cap looks spotless white on his skin. ‘Hi,’ he says and Dana says ‘Hi,’ back. ‘How’d you know I’d come out now?’ ‘It’s nine o’clock,’ is all he says, and she remembers that she told him about her work and her real name and where she was born. That was why he called her Amanda. That was her real name, except she never used it, not here, not anymore. ‘You hungry?’ he asks and Dana nods though she’s not. He suggests going somewhere, and they end up in another diner, far nicer, in another part of town. He asks her about her day, they talk about movies and music. It’s as if he’d never seen her naked. Dana doesn’t know what she is, happy to see him or disappointed at his obvious cool. Yet she doesn’t mention it and smiles when the waitress walks up to their table. She orders a pizza and so does he, she drinks a soda and he takes a coke as well. She wants to ask him why he’s here but instead she asks if he finished reading his books. He smiles and says he’s been a bit busy lately. His eyes are serious when he says that, but Dana doesn’t ask on.

At her door, Dana feels fidgety and can barely get the key into the lock. She opens it, and steps in, but he doesn’t follow. He stays in the doorway and says, ‘I’ve gotta go.’ Dana doesn’t know what to say. She watches him walk down the stairs, but just before he’s gone he turns around and asks, ‘Are you busy tomorrow?’ Dana shakes her head, on Saturdays she only works till four. ‘There’s this thing at a friend’s place. Wanna come?’ Dana’s surprise makes her smile, ‘Yeah, why not.’ ‘Pick you up at six?’ Dana nods, he smiles and next moment he’s out of sight.

Nisha and I had a fight. It started with Aly finding out what J. did up in that cabin, so of course I went with her. He looks awful, man. It must be those pills they’re giving him. Aly wouldn’t leave his room, always held his hand, wouldn’t budge unless I forced her to get some dinner. She even took off work and stayed the week till he was stable again, they say he lost a lot of blood. It got me thinking. Nisha’s fine and all, but if a brother threw a loop, I don’t know if she’d stick around for long. Anyway, it got me thinking and I started asking some questions. Nisha said they were stupid questions, but it’s not like I don’t have to think about what’s coming next. I didn’t start college for nothin’. And after seeing J. and Aly I started wonderin’ if Nisha would come along with me. All she said was ‘Hon, you really think you’ll make it? Talk all superior and kiss their asses – you think that’ll make ‘em forget who you are?’ I got angry. I mean, Aly made it, she was clever and stuck to school and got through. She met J. for God’s sake but Nisha says that don’t count. ‘J.’s nuts, everyone knows that, Aly’s just lucky he’s so into her.’ We started shouting and then I left the house. Sometimes I can’t live with that woman.

Anyway, I’m at Jermaine’s now, got my stuff from Nisha before she starts burning it all, she’s done it before. I’ll be in my own place next week, Aly’s moved in with J. who’s back in town. He can’t be on his own, and he’s got enough to keep her going fine, so it’s all good. I haven’t seen Nisha for a while though. Vaughn says she’s fucking that guy from the studio, at least they’ve been out together a couple o’ times. It’s okay. We need some space. I need to think a bit and it’s nice having a place on your own, Jermaine’s basically never home.