three good words

September 10, 2014May 18, 2020

fireflies

‘There you are.’

He turned, surprised. So he was smoking, she’d already wondered about the wisps rising.

‘Mind if I took a draw?

His surprise deepened. Then he smiled and handed her the stub. Marla took a draw and sighed. Sometimes you just needed that. Especially after that crowd still celebrating inside. And that was his family. She didn’t fully understand how they were connected and not connected. He never called Fred or Joan Mum or Dad. Fred was all right, but Joan. Wow.

Marla handed the cigarette back to Caden, who took it and said what she expected,

‘I didn’t know you smoked.’
‘Just a bit,’ Marla shrugged. ‘You?’
‘Hardly. Only when I’m here really.’
‘Here?’ Marla asked, looking around. It was beautiful here.
‘Well, not here,’ Caden said and Marla understood.

Yes, one would need a time-out after spending time with Joan. And that Penelope who decided Marla was her best friend for some reason. She wanted to know everything about her, chatting away as if they’d known each other for years. Marla was wary. She had met enough of Heather’s friends.

They stood facing the wide, lush garden. Someone had lit the candle lamps, it looked enchanted. All that was missing were fireflies.

‘I hope it wasn’t too bad,’ Caden said.
‘Oh, no it’s been fun.’
‘Really.’

She looked. His smile was ironic, disbelieving.

‘I’ve been around people like this before. I mean – I’m sorry, they’re your family -’
‘No, it’s all right.’
‘It’s just – Heather, my roommate in New York. All her friends were like this, so. I’m used to it.’

Caden nodded, crushed the stub into an ashtray she hadn’t seen, it stood next to him on the stone balustrade. So Steff even thought about the ashtrays. Steff was the kind who probably thought about everything, from the bricks in the chimney to the tiles on the floor.

‘So, you and the groom went to uni together?’

Caden nodded, picking up a tumbler, smooth round Waterford crystal a quarter full with something golden.

‘Where to?’
‘King’s.’
‘Really?’

Marla hadn’t wanted to sound so surprised. She blushed and said, ‘That must have been something.’

‘It was ok.’ He didn’t sound particularly enthusiastic.
‘So it was you, the groom and Angus?’
‘And a few others, yeah.’
‘Like Davis?’

A tall man, dark like chocolate, he really was, she didn’t care how that sounded. Calm and amused in his three piece suit, speaking easily to his wife who seemed to know everybody present. Davis so far was the one person who could silence Angus just by looking at him.

‘Yeah,’ Caden smiled a genuine smile now. Marla tried not to look too closely. He looked very good in his suit. Marla couldn’t help herself and looked again. In a hidden corner deep inside, something sighed. Marla looked away quickly, blushing. Thank God Theresa wasn’t there to see that. There’d have been no end to the teasing otherwise. Though Theresa expected – expected – something worth telling once Marla was back. Marla already dreaded going back home again. Really, what was she supposed to say? His mother’s mad, his sister no less, his brother’s a bit of an ass, but he looks great in a suit? There wasn’t much of a story in that. Theresa, Marla knew, would be disappointed. And blame Marla for it, Marla who apparently was getting very boring of late. She could already hear Theresa huff, ‘What’s the point in you going out if you don’t do anything with it, sweetheart? And he’s so fucking gorgeous. Really, Marla, don’t you have any eyes in your head?’

Oh, she had eyes all right. She had eyes aplenty. But seeing was one thing. Acting like a complete and utter idiot something very different. She had seen what he went for. A Marla C. Brandon was definitely not that type. There was no need to embarrass herself, though knowing Theresa that was exactly what she wanted. Stories, stories and more stories. Theresa had always been one to kiss madly and then tell, tell, tell. Marla couldn’t though. Not here. Not now. And in this particular case: not ever.

September 9, 2014May 16, 2020

ain’t nobody

that moment.
the beat. soft, low.

filling you up

inside, so wide
so quiet, so bright.
it sounds familiar
warm

and suddenly you know the song.

it’s new
the beat is different
faster,

just the thing for today’s youth
what a word
that used to be you
when did you lose the ‘th’?

but the music,
the rhythm
it’s all the same

you know it
deep down inside
know it since you heard it
so often, so often

on the radio
in the car,
in the kitchen
in the living room

everywhere it was on the air
the djs loved it, as djs do

and soon you had all the lyrics in your head
as if they’d always been there
captured effortlessly
that’s the way it was
it happened so naturally

you didn’t even know it was love
and now you’re flying through the stars
and hope this night will last for ever

but the voice is young, so young
couldn’t have been more than a toddler
then
when you were listening
dancing
singing to the song
like nobody was watching
coz nobody was watching

you were in your space
your own place
moving to the music
all by yourself
and loving it

ain’t nobody
loves me better
makes me happy
makes me feel this way

and there you are again

time never passed
you’re still there
in your space
your own place

loving the music
feeling the sound
like nobody’s watching
coz nobody’s watching

it’s just you
flying through the stars

knowing this will last forever

August 31, 2014August 31, 2014

It Must Be Magic

The other kind of magic.

August 30, 2014May 18, 2020

table talk

They took the cars to the reception, the place looked like a photograph from one of those design magazines. Not that he was surprised, Steff had been setting it up for six months now, no mistake was allowed. Richter said she was afraid one wrong move would jinx it. Except that the jinx was already on it, but Caden wouldn’t start that now. Sunny was flirting heavily with some cousin of Richter’s which Richter was trying to ignore. As he would, Steff was right next to him, looking like she just planted a flag on some new soil.

Parking was at the gates, so they walked down the wide tree-lined drive to the open doors, children running, people laughing, Steff and Richter at the front looking like a movie-still. Caden kept well away from Joan and Penelope, and with Liz around Angus couldn’t turn up either. He did notice how silent Marla was after one of the Mastersons left her alone again. She hadn’t really said much since they sat down for the ceremony. He regretted turning on her like that, but better that than having to clean up the mess after Angus had enough, as he would after week three, latest. Not to mention the war that would flare up once Liza found out, and Liza always found out. He didn’t need that in his life right now.

For three seconds Caden wanted to be back in O’Connor’s. He liked the mornings best when the bands came in to try out their sets, and he got to hear some genuinely good songs. The lyrics were rarely less than perfunctory, they were just starting after all, but some got it just right. They were everything from eager kids to serious musicians, Caden didn’t care which as long as they knew how to play. He always checked out one of their jam sessions first, or just a low-key gig somewhere, before he had them over. His rep was built on that. Band Night in O’Connor’s was a sure way to start up a solid fanbase, he had regulars who came every week just to see what was new. Lately scouts had started turning up as well, small labels, yes, but it was starting.

He enjoyed it. He liked standing behind the counter, keeping his hands busy, while the air was filled with real music and not just noise, everybody listening, maybe joining in if the band was good with the crowd, all of them having a genuinely good time. It made having the bands thank him seriously afterwards something really good. The younger ones especially were always pretty floored if the gig went well, getting chatty afterwards, drunk on the night and all the drinks they downed to stay steady. Closing up the place afterwards was something Caden wouldn’t miss. It was a way to wrap up the night and bring the place back to normal. And he always felt he’d really accomplished something, made something happen. It wasn’t anything grand, but it was something real, and with the way people kept on coming back, he wasn’t just seeing things.

It was at least an hour in, probably more, and Marla was still fairly silent next to him. That is, she kept on talking to Sunny and tried to be polite to Matt, but really didn’t say much to him, Caden. He didn’t like it much, it was the wrong kind of silence, but Jessie St John Lewis was right in his line of sight, watching his every move. Caden didn’t look, but he knew she was doing it, she always did once they were in the same room. He’d made the mistake of ignoring her before, and that always ended in tears and some kind of argument, if not a full blown fight. At one point Ella just refused to join anything that had to do with ‘those people’ as she called anyone who belonged to the Corrigans. flowers 4

It had taken a while until he understood that the moment Penelope and Jessie saw him, their goal was to make his life as miserable as possible. If Matt could already make Marla fidget like that… He didn’t need a meltdown here. Definitely not here. So Caden said little and only spoke when someone insisted they needed an answer. Usually it was Joan, Matt or Sunny, Marla keeping to herself if no one was actively trying to get her to talk again. Finally, Angus got up, tapped his glass, got some silence and started talking about how honoured he was to be best man. Steff kept on smiling her manicured smile, and Richter tried not to look as if he was about to be hanged and quartered by sundown. With everyone busy listening, Caden finally leaned over and said, ‘How’s the wine?’ Marla turned, startled, and said,

‘Good. Very good. Where’s it from?’
‘Spain.’
‘Where exactly?’
‘You know your way round Spain?’
‘A little.
‘Penedès?’
‘Oh. Yes. Nice. I heard they had good wines there.’

She tried to smile. Angus was still talking, trying to make it funny. People were polite and laughed where they should.

‘Sorry about just now. You caught me in an off moment.’
‘It’s ok.’
‘No, it’s not. It’s just – I don’t want you to get caught up with them.’
‘Caught up with whom?’

He couldn’t answer, Angus just raised his glass for the toast. Everybody got to their feet, raised their glasses, said, ‘To the happy couple,’ and cheered Steff and Richter as if they meant it. Everybody sat back down again, and Steff gave a nod down to the door which meant it was desserts now. At least the food was great so far. It would be all day, till the morning breakfast tomorrow.

‘So, Ms. Brandon, Caden tells me that you work on the hill?’

That was Joan. The whole table turned to Marla, who said a very composed,

‘I do.’
‘And do you like the work?’
‘It’s interesting, yes.’
‘It must be difficult for you. As a woman in such a male domain. How do you manage?’

Again, Marla’s whole face said, ‘What?’

‘I – we’re a good team,’ was what she said out loud.
‘Are you the only woman?’
‘Ah – well, yes, but Anna –’
‘Of course you would be,’ Joan nodded. ‘I guess they don’t let you girls in that easily, do they?’

Marla actually looked to him for help.

‘Their team tends to fluctuate,’ Caden said, he could see Marla’s relief.
‘Why?’ Joan asked. ‘Don’t you get along?’
‘That’s not how it works, Joan,’ Fred finally said. ‘As far as I understand, it’s all contractual. Once the contract runs out you move to the next project, am I right, Miss?’
Marla smiled gratefully, ‘Yes, quite like that.’
‘But that must be such a strain,’ Joan frowned. ‘When do you get to settle?’
‘I’m quite settled now,’ Marla tried.
‘Don’t you want to get married? With all that travelling – Sunny tells me you were in India and New York?’
‘I was, yes, but –’
‘Well, you see. With all that travelling, how are you ever supposed to start a family? Or are you one of those career women who abhor children?’

It was in moments like these where Caden knew exactly where Matt got that smirk from.

‘I – well – that subject hasn’t really – come up yet –’
‘But you must be what, twenty-seven? Twenty-eight? It’s about time, isn’t it?’

Marla just stared.

‘Really, these young women today,’ Joan shook her head at Fred who was getting a bit pink at the ears. ‘All business and no time for family. I sometimes wonder if letting them all study was all that clever. How are people supposed to have children?’
‘Oh, that’s quite easy, Mrs. Corrigan,’ Marla said calmly. ‘You just have to have a bit of sex in between.’

Sunny snorted into her cup, and even Matt couldn’t help a chuckle. Caden drank his coffee to hide the smile. Joan gave Marla a long look and was about to say something, but Richter’s dad was already tapping his glass, and the room fell silent again.

August 28, 2014May 18, 2020

down the aisle, 2

‘Caden? Is that you? I didn’t know you’d be here!’

Caden almost said ‘Fuck’ out loud. Penelope. A mistake. A big mistake. But he didn’t know then, young and stupid as he was. He didn’t know he needed something called space until he didn’t have it anymore. Or air. He needed to breathe. Penelope didn’t understand that concept. Ever since he escaped, she kept on trying to clap him in chains again.

He managed to keep it down to a few kisses, several hugs and no mention of Marla, who’d have no peace once Penelope found out she was there with him. Penelope had her troops ready, half the Talbot-Halls, a couple Bernards, three Mastersons and Marjorie ‘Jessie’ St John Lewis, who was Penelope’s NSA, she was everywhere and reported back to HQ in seconds. There was no need to put Marla through that, so he stood and waited until he could finally disentangle himself and run.

Once outside, Caden made sure none of Penelope’s foot soldiers could find him, fully aware of just how ridiculous this was, but he really wanted some peace today, he didn’t need the shouting. Or the tears. So he smoked one behind the church, and promptly got found out by the pastor – who asked if he had another, he’d been dying for a fag since breakfast. They shared a smoke, talked about nothing in particular, the good weather, the number of guests, how old the church was – ancient by the sound of it – the padre talking away, almost as if he was nervous. Turns out he was.

‘You never know with this crowd. They’re very… particular about how it’s supposed to go. Friend of mine had a bit of a sore throat once, family was up in arms he spoiled the whole ceremony, and all he did was clear his throat a couple of times. And that was before the vows. They were ready to sue him, I’m positive.’

The padre shook his head, thanked Caden for the cigarette and went back in with a, ‘Wish me luck.’ Caden finally went out to the car, past more guests coming in, suits and hats, and another Masterson, as it looked like Richter’s whole family was going to show up. He was just at the door when he heard it, high and sharp, like someone was about to sneeze. Caden opened the car, took out his camera and slammed the door shut, extra loud. That didn’t sound out the last, near-strangled sound behind the bushes. Caden leaned against the car, unscrewed the lense’s lid and checked if there were any smudges – none. There was rustling and giggling, and more rustling. Then, much to the lack of his surprise, Sunny and Richter tumbled out from behind a Mercedes SLK, brushing themselves of leaves and greenery.

Sunny didn’t see him, but Richter did, Sunny half running, half walking back to the church, pulling her dress in place, while Richter strolled over looking much less anxious and far more relaxed.

‘Don’t look at me like that, you knew about it anyway,’ was the first thing he said.

Caden scaled the trees to check the light.

‘Come on man, you know what she’s like. And I can’t stay with a kid like her, I’d be dead by day four.’

Caden took a shot and looked at the still. Good.

‘Come on, Tellis, you know what it’s like,’ which was where Caden said, ‘Actually, I don’t,’ straightening.
‘What?’ Richter laughed, as if it was all a joke. He never really got rid of that.
‘Just leave her alone from now on.’
‘Are you serious?’
‘Yes, Steve, I’m serious. And you’re right, she’s a kid. So, drop it. I can’t have last year happen again, especially with Steff watching. And neither can you.’

That seemed to hit home.

‘Come on, Caden, it was just –’ but Caden didn’t wait to listen and walked back to the church.

Angus was telling her something about how Richter fell into a ditch in the Hebrides when Marla saw Caden walk down the church aisle. Something was wrong. She excused herself from Angus as best as she could, and walked over to Caden who was taking pictures, possibly to figure out the light first before the ceremony started. She stopped next to him and said, ‘Those windows are beautiful.’ He lowered the camera and adjusted the lense, wordlessly.

‘You all right?’ Marla asked.
‘Yeah, why?’
‘You looked a bit upset just there.’
‘Where?’
‘Just now. You sure you’re all right.’

He gave her a quick look, piercing.

‘Word of advice?’
‘Advice?’
‘Yeah. Stay away from Angus. He’s got a girl, Liza. Steff’s best friend. You don’t want to get mixed up with that.’

The blush flooded Marla’s face. It was the way he said it, as if she was doing something deliberately stupid, insulting her own intelligence.

‘I – we were just talking.’
‘Yeah, right.’

He lifted his camera, scaled and took another shot. The blush increased.

‘We were. It was just small talk – ’
‘Did he tell you about Liza?’ he said, taking another shot.
‘Well. No, but –’

He stopped then, turned to her, and said seriously, too seriously,

‘These people aren’t like yours, Marla. Or mine. They don’t mean half of what they say, so don’t start believing whatever it is they’ve been telling you.’
‘I –’
‘Use your head –’
‘Caden –’
‘Or just bloody stay away from him. Or whoever. It’ll save you a lot of trouble.’

And with that he walked down the aisle towards the altar, stopping once to take another shot, looking very professional. It took a moment until Marla realised she was just standing there, staring. He didn’t say anything rude, but his tone… The irritation she felt was real. There was no need to talk to her like that. All they did was small talk. Honestly, that was not on.

The bride looked like she just conquered a piece of valuable real estate, the groom looked resigned to his fate. The ceremony was beautiful though, the hymns tasteful, the sermon brief, the vows clear and unimpeded, the rings flashing brightly even from where Marla was sitting. She and Caden hadn’t spoken a word to each other since he snapped at her for no reason whatsoever. She didn’t understand why he was suddenly so angry with her, she just talked to his friend, who was cheeky and flirtatious and not the kind of man Marla would have ever taken seriously. And then he snapped at her like that. She knew it wasn’t jealousy. It was the way he said it. Like he had this genuinely high opinion of her and she disappointed him. As if she really was being stupid and stopped using her head. She’d never seen him like that before, and through the whole ceremony Marla was aware that she was mildly shocked. She had looked forward to this wedding, but now… she really hoped the reception would be better.