at the window, 2

rain 3

He did look surprised.
Granted she was wearing a sari.

Yes, she had one.
She looked like a natural too.
It was the hair. And the cheek bones.
And her eyes were dark, darkest dark, with nice lashes.

She had great lashes, she had to admit.
Really great lashes.

She made pastries and wrapped them in papier-mâché,
pink, yellow, blue and green.

Caden was in his office, looked up from his computer and quite nearly stared.
He had the strangest eyes, they had all colours.
Really, all of them.
He didn’t say anything though.

She put the wrapped pastry on the desk, she hoped he liked them,
they were a little on the sweet side.
She was certain he thought she was out of her mind.
It was that look
Hard to describe.
But he did say thank you.

Sunny’s reception was much more pleasant.
Marla walked in, Sunny gasped and jumped to her feet, ‘Oh my God, Marla! That’s incredible!’
She asked a lot of questions, how it was tied, where she got it from, it was unbelievable, really, where did she get it from?

Sunny surprised Marla with a present herself, a little bracelet with tiny flashing shamrocks. ‘I know it’s not Hindu or anything, but it’s for luck. You don’t have to wear it, but we live above an Irish pub, so – ’ Sunny shrugged and smiled.

Marla turned to the screen.
So it had happened.
What she never understood was why.
Go somewhere else.
The pool was a wide space, but no.
It was a movie after all.
And there he was,
sitting so scenically on the white.
Anyway.

 *

wine

Marla just had the girls over.

It was the fourth time now.
They came over, loud and laughing, congregating around the scrubbed wood table, waiting to be watered and fed.

The first time they came, Sunny dropped by to say Hi, just before she changed to go down. Marla offered her a drink, Sunny accepted and in the ten minutes she stayed, Theresa asked and Sunny answered and Marla found out that Caden had refurbished the loft single-handedly, ‘That was his way of getting over it.’

Of course the girls got curious. Sunny was happy to explain. She’d been at her Mum’s again, and when she came back three weeks later, the door to the stairs was gone, there was a carpet and the loft was what it looked like now. There had been no workers, but with Caden’s Dad being an architect and all ‘it kind o’ made sense’.

Marla caught meaningful looks from Theresa and Val. She ignored them. All four had already seen her loft and praised the space. Apparently they could ‘see she lived there’.

Once Sunny left that evening, the questions began.
Marla refused to answer.
She would not discuss Caden Tellis.
That didn’t stop them.

The stub glowed red.
The night was a dark, city bright.
The cup in her hand, still warm, smooth.
Downstairs someone opened a door,
guitars and voices spilled out, loud.

Every time Marla’s friends came to her place, every time they saw her actually, they started again.

This time it was the very simple, the harmless fact that Marla left a pasta casserole to warm in the oven. She’d noticed her housemates liked it the last time she made it, and busy as they were with the band today, she made one. It wasn’t much effort, she was cooking anyway.

Of course the girls noticed.

Irene asked if Marla’s plan was to insinuate herself into the man’s head via his stomach. Marla pointed out that the casserole was for Sunny as well. This did not matter. In fact, it just showed she was being clever about it. Marla rolled her eyes.

Theresa wanted to know how it was to live with him, was he orderly or messy and did he run around naked? Irene wanted to know if he drank a lot and if he had many women. Val just gave her that look. Marla never liked that look. Beth in turn asked if Marla thought he’d be interested in anyone over 25, it was so hard these days now that she had that three, not that she was really thinking about him or anything, but you know it was ‘just a thought.’

Marla finally sighed and said that if anyone wanted dessert they should change the subject right now. They did, eventually, though Val did whisper, ‘I know you’re hiding something,’ when the others weren’t looking.

mary janesMarla wasn’t exactly hiding something.
There were women.
Val would have called them ‘decent’.
Theresa would have shrugged,‘Oh well’.
Beth would have not been pleased.

They would come and kiss him as a greeting, stand at the counter admiring everything, Caden most of all, trying to look cool, aloof and much too good for anyone until Caden found time to leave.

He never brought them upstairs and they never lasted long.

She would have liked to know where he met them.
They were all not the kind who entered O’Connor’s voluntarily.
West-End was more their habitat.
Wine bars and chic cafés, that kind of thing.

Sunny had dropped a few hints about an Emma or Ella or something like that, from a couple years back. She seemed to have been around for a while, but Marla didn’t think it right to ask.

That was just about everything she knew.
Marla had no problems communicating everything to the girls.
That only made things worse.
Now they were convinced he had been mistreated by that Emma-Ella person.
He was possibly so jaded he could no longer commit etc. etc. etc.

It never ends.

Marla stubbed her cigarette and closed the window.
She drank another sip of her tea and looked at the screen.
The police were investigating.

All those controlled bodies,
level looks, fresh young faces.
How was it when they got angry?
Genuinely drunk?
How did they cry when no one was watching?

Val wasn’t wholly wrong though.
There was one thing Marla didn’t tell anyone.
It was simple: every Sunday morning, Marla and Caden had breakfast together. It really was that simple. Breakfast.
There was nothing outrageous about breakfast.

Sunny was a late sleeper and always went partying on Saturday nights.
She either slept till four or stayed at whichever of her boys she was currently seeing. The pub didn’t open till two. The Sunday crowd was always a little quieter than the rest.

Mondays were closed.
Caden was usually out making errands or doing whatever it was he did.
Yet for some reason Sundays were the days they had breakfast.

She remembered the first. She came down and he was already making coffee and they simply went about their own business. When she came down the second Sunday the kitchen was empty, but he walked in moments after she started the kettle. That, she guessed, was how it started. And even that didn’t sound right.

coffee 6

At first Marla thought it was a coincidence.
It was three months now and it still kept on happening.

She always went down between ten and twelve.
Ample room for fluctuation.
Either he was already there or showed up a short while later.
If she came later he would start some eggs and fry more bacon without asking. If he came later she naturally did the same.

She would have to admit that she at first thought it rather sweet of him. Then Sunny came in last one Sunday and was given equal treatment. There was no need to feel disappointed, it just showed he was generally considerate.

There was movement on the screen.
One of those long, slow conversations.
Staged without being stale.

To spend a summer in the South of France.
But a nice one. Without all that mess in the end.

Her mother would be visiting soon. Saturday in fact.
Marla tried to look forward to it.

Ever since Alicia came to visit that first time, Marla was never safe from questions about ‘that man you’re living with’. She was not spared warnings of such ‘obviously handsome men’ who very likely were so used to ‘having their own way’ with women, which made them outright dangerous.

One look and Alicia Whitman-Brandon was convinced that Caden Tellis was last person Marla should be living with. She actually said, ‘Such men can never be responsible. Don’t look at me like that. They’re used to getting what they want. Not safe. Definitely not safe. ’

Theresa must have told her something.

Alicia had called it ‘his influx of women’ and that suspicious behaviour of never taking them home, though you never knew what that Emma-Ella person had done, women could be so cruel sometimes, but it was good Marla stayed away from him, it would only disturb their living relations if all that business came in between, one of them was bound to take it too seriously, these weren’t the old days anymore, nothing was casual. Marla should much rather find someone else and move out, that would be better for everyone, Sadie and Terry were together for five years now and apparently there were hints of marriage, not that she really cared, it was much better for taxes though and Sadie would keep her name as a matter of course, in fact but for taxes there really was no reason, but it was kind of silly that her sister would be married before she was, wasn’t it, really Marla why didn’t she go out more?

Marla sighed and drank her tea.
At least she still had tomorrow.

© 2014 threegoodwords

at the window, 1

la-piscine

So maybe she was a little different, ok.
Maybe she did live an unusual life, all right.

Alain Delon was beautiful. Back then.
Then he went Bardot. A pity.

So maybe she thought a bit too much.

Romy Schneider? Gorgeous.
She’d love to have a swimming pool.

Crystal blue. Shrubs and greenery seaming the stone.
Hot, hot days.
White cushions to sink into.
Drinking longdrinks, ice clinking, stumbling about.
Without all that mess in the end.

‘Intellectual’ was a silly word.
She took the time to think one thought through to the end
before starting with another.

It started in Paris, as these things start. Then there was India, then a long stint in New York. Finally, London where one could find India just a few streets away.

How many of them wished they were young again?
Young and beautiful and daring
without all those crazy mistakes they made?
How many wanted none of that, and were actually that thing that was so rare: How many were happy, content, blissfully self-aware?

*

candles 2

Alone in her room, naked except for an old bathrobe, Marla continued smoking her cigarette. She rarely smoked, but right now she felt like one. Windows open, the night black, lights speckling the emptiness. The bathrobe was a cheap piece from a corner shop in Camden, cream with black borders. A violently red and purple dragon with golden fangs and talons on the back. The black sash kept everything from falling wide open.

Behind her, La Piscine, The Swimming Pool, flickering across the screen. She carried the whole thing up there just recently, plugged in all the cables, figured out all the channels, and found a way to get that French one as well. No advertisements, just movies, short and long, documentaries, reports, news, interviews, exactly what a girl wanted.

Delon smoldered on the screen.
Schneider beamed back, cheekily.
They were beautiful. Back then. What a pity.
Age should not happen to people.
It softened something, in the muscles, in the brain.

And then you started saying very stupid things
with absolute conviction.

But he was that. Then. So was she, but she… that was sad. A real pity.
And the cute girl with the cropped hair, sun-kissed skin and the blotched bright dress, pouting. As she would, if he ran off like that. What happened to her? Was she ever seen, filmed, screened again?

Marla turned away, she knew the rest.

Standing at the open window, she drank from her cup of tea.
The chill breeze slipped icily over her skin. She didn’t move though. She didn’t readjust the belt, everything was slipping, but she was safe from curious eyes. All around were only rooftops and chimneys.

It was quiet enough to hear that low throb of the pub downstairs.

If she thought about it long enough, it was as if the music was rising up through her toes, up past her calves and thighs, all the way into her.

He had taught her not only to listen, but to feel.
How old was she, five? Seven? Somewhere there.

Sitting cross legged in front of the record player, having him hold her on his lap, telling her who the singer was, where they were playing, showing her the sleeves. She understood nothing, but she felt it, the music, rising up from the floor through her toes and soles, up her legs all the way into her, until it wrapped itself around her heart and filled the beat, until she felt it way down to what she knew was her core.

Singing to the music was a part of it after that. Humming, tapping, clapping, remembering the lyrics when it caught that cord in her soul.

That was them, then. Alicia and Ric, Ma and Pa.
The music, the laughter, the crazy friends.
Those late nights where Marla would wake up and hear the bongos and guitars downstairs, the singing and laughter. Always the laughter, real, genuine, from the heart.

And she would creep down with Jackson and Sadie, and see their mother and father dance and sing, and play their instruments with their friends, drinking straight out of wine bottles and finishing a whole bottle of whisky, sometimes even climbing onto the table top. Or when Bella, Dr. Garcia’s Andalusian wife, would dance a flamenco that was breathtaking.

Bella showed them how to make paella, her mother was from the north east, near Bilbao. She said it wasn’t right if you weren’t close to the sea. Marla still made it at family dinners.

food 5

It was a Brandon tradition to eat dinner together, all five of them, Alicia, Ric, Jackson, Sadie and herself, mother, father, and three kids. Dinners were always loud, boisterous. Arguments, laughter, more arguments. Plates, bowls and drinks, salt, pepper, chutney and masala passed around without actually breaking the conversation.

Her new housemates were quiet eaters.
If they did eat together, which was rare.
If they did eat together, then it was done quickly, as if eating was a nuisance to get over with.

Marla loved long dinners. She watched, amazed.

The hasty cooking, the impatient sitting down and getting up, the rush to rinse dishes and stack everything into the dish washer. If anything was said, then it had to do with plans for the pub, some new acquaintance Sunny had made the previous night or what was happening in her circle of friends.

Caden seemed to have no private life.
At least he never mentioned one.

He seemed only to exist to see that the pub did good business, that the supplies were well-stocked, and that the bands signed up in time and had enough equipment.

The tea was still warm, almost hot, nicely smooth and sweet.
The cup warmed her hand, the cigarette glowing in the dark, red.

He wasn’t rude, nor in fact quiet.
He was simply very sparse with his words.
Attentive though. And observant.

You had to be, to keep a pub running without fights breaking out.
That bloke who thought someone had looked at his girl wrong.
Those two who thought Sunny was fair game.
Caden just needed to ask the person if he could help him on and all was settled again.

It didn’t happen often though. O’Connor’s was a place where friends came to have a pint, play a game of darts or pool. Every now and then old rivalries would break through, yes, but if Sunny couldn’t break it up, Caden would.

He really didn’t do anything.
He was just there.
It was that look.
Hard to describe really.

And then there was Sunny. They were so different in temperament and character. Marla was surprised that they managed to live in the same house for so long.

She knew bits and pieces now.

What was now the office used to be Adam O’Connor’s room, the man who took over the derelict pub many years back, at least twenty from what Marla understood. Caden’s last name was Tellis though, so he could hardly be Adam’s son. Sunny was Adam’s niece, she moved in with Adam in her early teens. There was more to that, but she couldn’t ask yet. In a few weeks, maybe.

Adam passed away a few years back, four or five, Marla couldn’t say.

They missed him, both in their own way. Sunny with comments that started with, ‘Adam used to say’, Caden by never mentioning him unless Sunny made him, and then only very little. They must have been close though. Caden rightfully owned O’Connor’s and the whole house with it.

How did that happen?
She would have to wait.
A few months maybe.

Marla drew on her cigarette, exhaled.
Her fingers were still stained from the Henna.
Diwali was just a week away.

Sunny walked into the kitchen and asked Marla about the lamps. Marla explained about the fight of good and evil, the victory of the light within. Sunny was surprised. A bit amused. She asked if she was into religion, a bit as if Marla had a limp. Marla made tea and asked Sunny if she wanted a cup. They sat down at the scrubbed-wood table, and Marla explained her years in India, seven in total, rain seasons in Mumbai, and summers in Madras with family friends.

Lighting the candles.
Standing on the veranda,
hearing the insects, seeing the night.
The ocean, wide.
Stars out in billions.
Life.

candles 3They had a long talk about what it meant to have a faith, if it made sense to have one and what Sunny believed in –  ‘I mean, I guess there’s something, but I really wouldn’t know what it is, y’know?’ – and how it had been to go to confession when she felt she had nothing to confess. It was the first serious talk they had. It left Marla with the feeling that despite her happy, chatty ways, Sunny did have a few deeper thoughts in her head.

Caden said nothing to the lamps, the candles, nor the mehndi Marla painted on Sunny’s hands. Sunny really liked them, ‘It’s like a tattoo but it isn’t? That’s totally cool!’

That afternoon was filled with stories about make-up, fashion and boys. A lot about boys. Mostly about boys actually, and what utter idiots they were. And how cute. And how stupid. And how sweet. And how thick. And how lovely. And how utterly useless, really there was no point in them anyway. But whatever-his-name was really hot, drool-worthy, awesome.

Marla smiled. Sunny was twenty after all.
Marla had mellowed to live and let live, but Sunny still made radical stands.
Twenty.
That was almost ten years ago. A decade. A whole decade.
She was thinking in decades now.
Like when she said ‘last time’ and realised it was actually three years ago.
And ‘yesterday’ had turned into last year.

© 2014 threegoodwords

Marla

 

desk 1So, this was it. She moved in, finally. All her boxes lay strewn across the wooden floor, toffee squares on polished, gleaming caramel where the sun hit it with bright syrupy rays. The walls were sugar white, but that could be fixed, and there was so much space! Marla turned full circle and smiled. They’d set up the bed under the third window, a broad thing, full of cushions and covers, and a bedside table she’d gotten from Rachel.

Rachel bought old furniture and painted little stories on the wood. There were trees and unicorns, lions and zebras, suns and geometry, and all this in strong, vivid colours. Every piece was unique and beautiful, and the moment Marla had enough money, she bought a little tea-table she now used for her books, lamp and old-fashioned clock that could wake the dead. Strange how, never mind the boxes, the room still looked empty. It really wasn’t a room, it was a space, a large, empty, white space. It was the kind of space found in museums or churches, smaller of course and not half as cold. It felt sacred in its emptiness, like the first day of creation before all the chaos set in.

Longer than wide, the space had two bay windows looking over this side of the city. The sills were broad and would be perfect for potted plants and candles and stray books she was bound to leave there. Books. Marla had many books. Very many, so many, her new housemate Sunny had guffawed – really, it was that sound, a sudden intake of breath, that fricative of fast-pressed air, that loose-jaw sound of awe, guffaw. Anyway, it was best if she started with that. She could save her sofa from the debris of her last life later on. Marla exhaled, held up her hair with a clip and set to work. She had two large bookshelves that proved to be just enough for all the literature she had stored in the boxes. Looking at the line of backs, Marla could see the progression of interest and education, the beginnings of literary adventure to the deep depths of her post-graduate years. She had come a long way from Charlotte’s Web and now, finally, felt that she was in her place. She could look at Discipline and Punish and know exactly what not to look for. Answers, for one thing.

*

It was late afternoon when Marla finished setting up house. Her space looked more colourful now, the plants were where they should be, the pictures placed, the posters hung, the bathroom beset with her belongings. She had rearranged her large atlases and art volumes to her coffee table covered with a square glass plate, her trusted old-school stereo was set, her guitar unharmed, her desk covered with all the usual paraphernalia, though tidier now than it ever would be again. Her wardrobe was filled, the chest of cupboards she found two days ago as well, its top set with an electric kettle, a few mugs, packets of tea and a closed jar of sugar. She would have to think about what to do with the milk. She also had wineglasses and two bottles of red, though with the pub downstairs, who knew how often she would need them.

drink 1

She was surprised how quiet it was, considering there was an actual Irish pub not far from her feet. It was all wooden walls and faded pictures, mysterious corners, two pool tables, dart-boards and an enormous TV over the counter, a huge flat-screen for the football and rugby, as was happening just now. The whole place was crowded, spilled pints and lager decorating the floor, the two waitresses clearing the glasses while Mr. Tellis stood behind the counter making sure nothing went wrong. She should call him Caden though, he was hardly a year older than herself, and both of them were approaching thirty. Marla still didn’t know how he was connected to Sunny, her third housemate. They’d been living together for some time now and yet they were neither a couple nor brother and sister, though they were very close. They teased and argued and Sunny seemed to take Caden’s word for fact. Marla was certain that if Caden Tellis would have so much as frowned when they were introduced, she wouldn’t be where she was now.

*

Marla didn’t believe in chance encounters, but to her friends she seemed to have had an enormous stroke of luck when, just a few days ago, she stopped at the notice board on the way to O’Connor’s bathrooms. It was a week night and Marla and her friends had decided to be supportive and play fan-club to Rena’s brother’s band. So they sat in the middle of an Irish pub Marla would have otherwise never entered, drinking Guinness and lager, and listening to Operation 8, who were pretty good with their guitars. Half way through a song Marla had a pressing urge to use the ladies’. She didn’t want to get stuck in line when the band had a break, so she left the table and manoeuvred her way past enthusiastic fans and mildly impressed onlookers.

The bathrooms were tidy, a little old-fashioned maybe, but much cleaner than some others she’d seen. Marla always said you knew a place by its lavatories. No matter how chic the exterior, all the secrets came out in the loo. On her way back from the WC she saw the notice board, filled with advertisements and flyers in a conglomeration of colours and fonts. She was looking for an apartment after all, so why not check. There were many offers, some ridiculous, others intriguing, and a couple worth serious thought. She was reading one of the flyers when Sunny came sauntering down the passageway, holding a tray in one hand, her black apron slung as low as her jeans, showing off her flat, navel-pierced middle.

‘Lookin’ for a place?’ was the first thing she said, which was odd, but Sunny had proved to be such an open, chatty young thing, that Marla decided to smile and answer yes, she was. ‘Upped the rent, huh?’ Sunny hedged but Marla shook her head. She’d just moved to town, she said, and needed a place to stay. ‘D’you work here?’ was the next question and Marla affirmed she had just gotten a job at one of the institutes on the hill. Marla felt she should make it clear that she was not, in fact, desperate. Sunny pouted prettily, looking impressed. Then she asked how much she’d be willing to pay for a place. It was a bit forthright, yes, but Marla gave her an approximate all the same. Sunny’s answer to that was, ‘Sounds good to me,’ adding, ‘Good luck, then,’ before walking on. Marla was puzzled but didn’t think much about it until it was her turn to buy the next round. The band was playing something less confused and Marla didn’t have to shout to catch the bartender’s attention.

The bartender. Owner actually, Rena’s brother was in awe of him due to that fact, but still. Well, what to say? He was the kind of man who got female attention whether he wanted it or not. Jet-black hair, ruffled yes, but very fitting, hazel eyes that made you look again, even if you didn’t want to, and a very catching smile. He simply looked good, there was no way around it, though Marla felt it was a pity life should so resemble a cliché. Even so, bartender or no, it couldn’t be helped: the man looked good. He kept on combing his hand through his hair to keep back the large sable curls – sable? Really? Mills & Boon should have been out of her system by now, but his hair really was very black. His shirt was rather faded too, and his jeans were well-worn, but it all fitted the pub and his laid-back style. And anyway, you couldn’t look all nice and tidy when spending half the night behind a counter with calls for pints, whiskey, shots and lager, repeatedly dipping used glasses into vats of soap-water and clear, wiping them only to use them again. And all this with that relaxed, reserved air that pressed all female flirt-buttons, especially when he was so focused on wiping the glasses. He looked as if he really couldn’t care less about what was happening beyond the counter and that was to all female eyes equal to an invitation to be talked to, flirted at, and in every case given their fullest attention.

cocktail2

Marla waited while one of the many girls smiled and batted her eyes, her pert bust pressed conveniently against her arms folded neatly on the counter, showing off an ideal cleavage. She was pretty and if the bartender noticed, he never showed it, gave her two pints with a nod and half a smile, looking neither disappointed nor irritated when Sunny turned up to take the money. He just turned back to wiping stray glasses still wet from the last dishwasher round. Marla gave a sign then, but before he came to her side of the counter, Sunny held him back with an affectionate hand and whispered something. His reaction was surprise and a scrutinizing look in Marla’s direction, followed by a nod and a relaxed walk over to where she was. He said nothing more than, ‘Yeah?’ with hardly a frown over disinterested eyes. Marla ignored everything she was seeing and ordered the Guinness the girls wanted. Standing at the taps, both he and Sunny filled the glasses, Sunny still talking confidentially, repeatedly looking at Marla, while the bartender nodded every now and then, watching the black fill the glasses. It was Sunny who brought her the drinks, but before Marla paid she said, ‘You know, we have a place upstairs.’

‘Sorry?’
‘A place,’ Sunny smiled. ‘You were looking for one, right? We have one. If you want, Caden could show you. It’ll be a bit more than you expected, but it’s really nice. I’m sure you’ll like it.’

Perplexed, Marla looked to said Ca-something, she didn’t catch what. He was taking another order from a young, highly enthusiastic Operation 8 fan who was overflowing with smiles. She asked, ‘You live here?’ and Sunny nodded ,‘Yeah, upstairs. There’s a loft that’s empty, and it has a separate bathroom with a shower. I’m serious, you should go and see. I’m sure you’ll like it.’ ‘I can come tomorrow,’ Marla said, not wanting to intrude on an obviously busy night. ‘Why?’ Sunny frowned sweetly. ‘You’re here, Caden’s here, it’d just take a few minutes. And it’s not like it’ll take you an hour to see if you like it, right?’ Sunny smiled happily, adding Marla shouldn’t worry, she’d take the pints to her friends while she went up.

This left Marla at the counter feeling awkward. She waited until Ca… well, whatever-his-name-was had finished with his next order before approaching him. Before she could say anything though, he wiped his hands and said, ‘I’ll be right out,’ without much ado. His ease was no show then. He really couldn’t care less about what was happening beyond his personal space. It was intriguing, and maybe a little annoying, but then again why be surprised. He was probably ogled at 24/7, really she should stop staring.

The bartender whose name she really did not catch – Kalen? No. – walked around the counter and motioned her to follow him to the back. Marla did just that after a quick glance to her friends who were unanimously grinning. It was a short walk through a narrow passage to a broader hallway and then up a flight of stairs to a front door. Marla tried not to register firm shoulders, well-formed arms, and considering how he walked in his jeans the rest was rather perfect as well. His trainers were well-worn, but with how life behind bar-counters could be, that was probably a good sign. He wasn’t much into outer appearances, but was it just a ruse or did he really not care? And why exactly was she thinking about this? The man could wear what he wanted, it was none of her business.

He opened the door without a word and they walked in, she really would have to find out his name. Kay-something, she was sure of that. He motioned to Marla’s immediate left, there was another flight of stairs. Marla proceeded. After eight stairs there was a corner, another four led to a small landing with a closed door. Stopping Marla heard, ‘It’s open,’ and pushed the door open. She didn’t find the light switch right away. The sensation was immediate, a sudden touch, not light, not gentle, an entanglement of fingers. His hands were warm and damp from the water. Marla walked further in, crossing her arms, and the lights were on. She fell in love with the room. There were skylights like stars in the ceiling, shedding warm, welcoming light onto a polished-wood floor. The slanted roof was spanned with thick old-wood beams and there were three windows, black now that it was night outside. Marla looked around and could immediately see herself in the open space. She smiled, pleased when she opened the door to the small bathroom. The tiles were tiny and of a fresh, minty blue until the rough stone started above shoulder level, lending the bathroom something unique without being too much. The walk-in shower had a glass door and the rest of the furnishings were smooth, white porcelain. The entire loft had an even balance between old and new and was in itself an invitation to come and stay. Walking to the centre of the room, Marla saw – really, what was his name? – lean against the door-frame, arms crossed, waiting. For a moment Marla couldn’t help wonder. He had to know how that looked. It was a bit too right, somehow.

‘It’s perfect,’ Marla smiled.
‘It’s not much of a view.’

Marla stepped to one of the windows and looked out. So far she could identify rooftops, chimneys, street lights and a lot of sky.

‘How much sun is there?’
‘This side is south, south west’

All Marla heard was sun and sunsets.

‘You work on the hill?’ she heard next.
‘Yes. I’m part of a research programme, but the pay’s steady, so – ’
‘Any pets?’ he interrupted, clearly not interested in her payroll.
‘No. Ahm – you?’
‘A cat. It’s somewhere, I don’t know where. You ok with that?’
‘Yes, I love cats,’ Marla smiled.

He just nodded as if she’d ticked the right box.

‘Sunny told you the expenses?’
‘She said it might be a bit more than I intended,’ Marla answered.

He stepped further into the room, hands at his hips, looking around as if checking if everything was in its right place. Really. Where was a camera when she needed one? Then he explained the rent and Marla felt it was rather affordable considering the newness and the space. She said, ‘I’ll take it then. I mean, if that’s all right -’ His answer was a simple, ‘Ok.’ Marla waited for more, but that was it. He walked to the door, stopped as if remembering something and asked when she planned to move in.

‘As soon as possible. If that’s ok.’
‘Yeah, that’s fine.’

And with that he walked down the stairs, leaving Marla in empty space. She clearly was no more to him than a possible lodger. And that was just right and well. Marla followed him out of the room, really what was his name? He was waiting in the hallway, and seemed eager to get back to the pub again.

‘The kitchen’s down here, and this is the living room,’ he said, switching on the lights to the respective rooms. Marla walked in and saw an open comfortable-looking living space. window 1There was a fireplace and ample entertainment equipment, women’s magazine’s littering the coffee table. There was a room adjoining, larger than Marla expected, with a desk, computer and shelves that made it look like an office. Marla liked what she saw, there was nothing over-done or overly tidy about it. It was the kind of living room where people actually lived, which said a lot about its inhabitants. The kitchen was a surprise though. It was fairly large, dominated by a round, scrubbed-wood table with six chairs, the type of table where a family could meet and eat and talk about the day. The counter spanned the entirety of one wall, ending in a voluptuous fridge. A broad sideboard ruled the opposite wall, two sashed windows inhabited the connecting side. Marla had to smile at the lamp, a glass-drop chandelier she couldn’t help ask about. ‘It came with the house,’ was all he said, standing in the doorway again, while Marla looked around. Really, that shirt hid nothing at all. ‘The main bathroom’s just down here,’ he said, turning back into the hallway, and ‘that one’s Sunny’s and that’s mine.’

So they had separate rooms. Puzzling, but every couple had their oddities. Aware it was maybe a little too nosey to look further, Marla just nodded after peeking into the spacious, white-tiled bathroom with the blue wallpaper. What followed was an awkward moment, two strangers standing in a hallway, Marla feeling a little overdressed standing across Whatever-his-name-was really, if she didn’t find out soon, it would get embarrassing. He looked comfortable and Marla felt oddly stiff. She hadn’t really known where they were going, Theresa liked making a mystery out of everything, and so Marla wore something that would fit anywhere, though she never expected an Irish pub. She would have preferred jeans to this, but there it was, she was in a skirt and heels, feeling a little fidgety. She hadn’t forgotten her friends’ grins.

‘Is there anything else you might want to know?’ she finally asked.
‘What I’d want to know?’ he frowned.
‘About me. What I work, where I’ve been. Usually people like to know who they’ll have in their house,’ Marla smiled, trying to sound amusing.

There was another awkward silence. He looked as if Marla had said something genuinely strange. Then he said, ‘I should get back,’ turned, opened the front door and walked out. Ok. Marla didn’t know what else to do than follow him out. She told herself he wasn’t being capricious, he simply couldn’t care less. He was probably used to being universally stared at, and Marla hadn’t been all too careful had she? It was probably a small miracle he agreed to have her as a tenant. They reached the lower landing by then and Marla realised they hadn’t really talked about contracts or anything else.

‘Ahm, about tomorrow –’
‘Yes,’ he said, walking on.
‘Well, the paperwork and everything, I just thought –’

He stopped abruptly and turned.

‘Four o’clock?’
‘Ahm – ok.’

He nodded curtly, opened a door she hadn’t seen and suddenly they were back in the pub. He disappeared behind the counter and Marla found she was at her friends’ table seconds later, four pairs of eyes looking right back at her.

‘And where have you been?’ Theresa asked, raising an eyebrow.

Marla curtailed the urge to say, ‘Yeah, yeah, whatever.’ Instead she sat down and said a sober, ‘Inspecting.’

‘What do you mean, inspecting?’ Rena asked. She was just as bad as Theresa.
‘They have a room here,’ Marla said evenly. ‘It’s a whole loft with its own bathroom. We’ll share the kitchen.’
‘What? You mean – you’ll be living with that?’ Val grinned, pointing over her shoulder. Val always did that.
‘Is that why you left?’ Beth asked right after. She actually looked envious.
‘Yeah, he lives with the blonde waitress,’ Marla explained.

All four looked heartily disappointed. Beth maybe a little less so.

‘As it looks like they don’t mind having me,’ Marla continued. ‘I just saw the place, it’s really nice.’
‘And when can you move in?’ Theresa asked, sipping her drink like that.
‘We’ll meet again tomorrow for all the formalities.’

All four passed knowing looks between each other.

‘What?’ Marla asked.
‘He’s, well, y’know…’ Val grinned again.
‘You know what.’
‘Kind o’ hot?’ Rena grinned.
‘Sizzling.’ Val, of course.
‘Tssssssssss,’ Rena added, pressing her finger on her skin, making the others grin even more.
‘Pity you don’t share the same bathroom,’ Theresa grinned and they chuckled all over again.

Marla rolled her eyes and drank her Guinness. Yes, he was good-looking, she did have eyes in her head, but there was Sunny. She had that flawless blonde beauty that even Rena couldn’t compete with, though Rena added to her own with her really relaxed style. Sunny and She-really-should-find-out-his-name lived together and considering their familiarity, they knew each other long and well, which made this whole conversation rather pointless.

The band started playing again, making any type of conversation impossible, saving Marla from more teasing, though they always started again the moment the band took another break. Marla let it pass, returning with Theresa to Theresa’s flat without commenting on her suggestions of all possible possibilities, all the things that could be done, ‘Seriously Marla, admit it. Come on! Come ooooon! Admit it! Admit it!’ Theresa always got very wink-wink nudge-nudge when she was drunk. She wouldn’t stop through their whole cab-drive back to her place, until Marla finally gave up after they paid and got out. She sighed,

‘Admit what?’
‘You know what! Marla! Admit it!’

‘No I do not know what, Theresa,’ she said, tugging Theresa into the right direction. If Theresa was drunk enough she started trying to sleep on the sidewalk, complaining in tears that Marla was such a bitch for not letting her get some fucking rest for five fucking minutes.

‘Then I’ll tell you,’ Theresa insisted. ‘You wanna hear?’
‘Actually, I don’t.’
‘But you’ve gotta. Wait for it – here it comes.’
‘Ok.’
‘That man. Marla. That man’s fuckin’ hot. You hear me? You hear me? He’s! mother! fucking! hot!’

Theresa actually shouted that into the street, and the neighbourhood she lived in did not know much about rap-songs. They shouldn’t have done those Tequila shots, but Theresa was giggling anyway, which meant Marla could coax her into the building, the elevator and all the way to her flat. Thankfully Theresa was busy complaining about how drunk she was and how awful she felt and how she would kill Rena for ordering the Tequila shots, which ended with Marla helping Theresa undress and get into bed. Not that that stopped Theresa. Next morning she started all over again. She still couldn’t shut up about ‘that eye-candy that you’ve got downstairs.’

coffee 10Anyway. Now, two days later, Marla was in her new living space, and standing as she was, surrounded by her things, Marla sighed and smiled. She felt at peace here. After the past few years that was a great relief. They’d all managed to end up in the same city, Theresa and Rena naturally, Val via detours and Beth by design, and now Marla had returned, last of the five, and they could continue where they had left off four years ago. Marla started her electric kettle and prepared her tea, looking out of one of her windows to the rooftops. It was the kind of view where you expected Mary Poppins to come sailing through, the sky grey and damp, and everything warm and cosy inside. It would be good here, she would be able to think here, relax, really sleep, simply be, and in effect that was all Marla really wanted.

© 2014 threegoodwords

34 Willow Drive

 

coffee 7

34 Willow Drive was a very tidy place, with a neat front garden and perfectly cut grass in the back. You took off your shoes before stepping into the main house, and you took your plate to the kitchen after dinner. Prayers were said before you ate, and on Sundays the whole family dressed up smartly and went to church where there were other families with Sunday clothes on.

In the beginning the other parents were very curious about Caden, and asked Mr and Mrs Corrigan questions, giving Caden pitying looks after those conversations. The children were more forward, asking him if his Dad really almost beat him to death and wanted to see his bruises. The Willow Drive children were fascinated, and Caden was thought to be tough and dangerous since he had survived such violence. Matthew and Stephanie, (who liked to be called Steff, with two fs), liked to brag and show off with him as long as Caden was a novelty. In school they introduced him as a cousin from far away who had a dark past that made everyone curious, but after a few weeks the latest computer game came out and there was Christmas to think of and Caden was like everyone else.

Matthew and Stephanie, who, after the excitement of novelty had worn off, realised that Caden was not a guest, but had actually come to stay, Matt and Steff lost their benevolence and did their best to ignore him. They enjoyed calling him Rice or Riceboy when their parents weren’t listening, simply because Caden liked rice. He’d never eaten it outside the curry shop, and they only went if Aunt Vicky remembered to. When allowed to join in their games, Caden was responsible for all the menial jobs. He was always the servant, the worker, the villain. He enjoyed being the Red Indian most. Others might have thought Matt and Steff’s behaviour mean, but Caden, who had never lived a day in peace at home since Mother left, who never knew how it was to have siblings, who had never had the opportunity of regular meals, clean clothes and a bed that didn’t turn into a trap if someone came home drunk and violent, Caden did not feel the effects of their behaviour until much later. In the beginning he was just content with having another life. He often looked to the sky and wondered if his mother had seen how bad things were and finally found a way to save him. He didn’t know. He went to church and heard about God, but what the Vicar said didn’t really interest him. Caden said the prayers at dinner and made sure to tie his tie correctly before church, (Aunt Vicky had shown him, mumbling there was nothing sillier than a man who couldn’t tie his own shirt, her cigarette hopping up and down while she talked, ashes flying everywhere) but otherwise that part of life at the Corrigan’s remained closed to him. Caden preferred thinking that his mother was on a cloud somewhere, or that the Force actually existed. To Caden at ten, that made much more sense.

 *

Mr and Mrs Corrigan were what people called ‘steady’. They treated Caden as one of their family and never favoured him to their own children, nor their children to him. They worked hard, had strict schedules and did not like being interrupted if they were busy unless it was serious. Every Wednesday, Mrs Corrigan went to her bridge evening and on Thursday nights Mr Corrigan liked to play darts with his friends. He always came home smelling of cigarettes. The Corrigans were not the kind of happy couple you saw on TV, the kind that always laughed and cuddled their kids, living in the big shiny houses. They smiled if you did something well or patted your head. Physical contact, as they called it, was rare in the Corrigans’ house, even between Mr and Mrs Corrigan. They did not hug or cuddle Matt and Steff either, and Caden, who had had too much physical contact for his first ten years, Caden was relieved that no one would be touching him constantly like Aunt Vicky liked to do.

Speaking of Aunt Vicky, she always came at least once a year to see Caden after he moved to the Corrigans’. In the beginning Caden thought it a little tedious to have her come, but in later years he came to enjoy Aunt Vicky’s chaotic visits that always lasted a whole weekend. In his teens he discovered her great talent of making people laugh. She was someone who didn’t expect anything from you except to enjoy yourself and have a good time. She smoked, she drank, she was loud and what Mrs Corrigan called ‘vulgar’, but she was also the kind of person you could ask anything, and Caden took advantage of that when it came to those questions he would never ask the Corrigans. To them, the world was made up of fixed facts of good and bad, order and chaos, enemies and friends, and for a teen like Caden who knew how twisted and out of sync things could be, their answers were always lacking.

At least Aunt Vicky heard you out, maybe asking a few questions in this direction or that. Caden never fully understood them, but at least she asked. And she tended to let him come to his own conclusions. If it was good she smiled and nodded, if she thought it could do with some improvement, she would purse her lips like Mrs Corrigan and continue whatever she was doing. Another thing Caden enjoyed about Aunt Vicky was how she irritated Matt and Steff. They never knew how to take her. She wasn’t fashionable, but she was fun. She wasn’t posh, but she was funny. And she made Caden feel normal again. Having Aunt Vicky come visit always felt like a holiday, a three-day holiday outside his usual life in 34 Willow Drive and by the time Caden passed his GCSEs her visits weren’t something he would have wanted to miss.

©2014 threegoodwords

Caden

 

 

Beach

When the other kids asked Caden Tellis about his past, the first word that came to mind was ‘volatile’ followed closely by ‘violent’, both accompanied by an image: the man they called his father standing over him, red with rage, raising his fist to strike. The pain had long since subsided, but the impact, that crash of knuckle and bone into his body, that stayed. For the first years after he ran away just seeing a fist fight on the school grounds made him feel it again. Caden was known to be quiet, both in his old as well as his new school. Claremont Comprehensive was in the better part of town, up in the hills where the big houses with the two garages were, where there was grass and trees in the backyard and you could ride your bike in the streets without being run over. Until he ran away, Caden had only seen such houses on TV. But then he packed his backpack with crisps, a few bottles of something orange, a jumper, his favourite comic books and the picture of his mother, and slipped out the back while the man they said was his father was snoring in front of the TV.

What exactly triggered the impulse to run away, Caden could no longer say. He remembered thinking that it was his ninth birthday, and that the next year would be his tenth, which meant that he had lived ten years under the same roof with that violent drunk everyone said was his father. Maybe it was that. In any case, he packed his things and left. He had taken up what money he still had left from Aunt Vicky, the money that the man who said had sired him hadn’t taken from him, and with that Caden was able to get on a train and reach the biggest city he knew. He wanted to go to the top of the highest building and see how it was to be a bird. And he did see how it was, it was breathtaking. When he came back down the constable was waiting. He had gone missing for three days and Aunt Vicky had filed a search. While waiting for Aunt Vicky to pick him up a doctor asked him to sit on a bench in a quiet room and he was asked to remove his shirt. Caden still remembered the look on the doctor’s face, it had been calm at first and suddenly turned very serious. He touched the sore spots gently, asking Caden where it hurt, and if he felt any stinging. Caden answered and the doctor asked him to remain very still, he would be right back. An officer was called who looked as serious as the doctor and then the officer brought someone else in who took pictures of Caden and all the sore spots. Once that was done and more questions were asked and answered, Caden watched while the doctor bandaged him. He counted five bandages next to the wide strip around his chest.

Since it would take a day until Aunt Vicky arrived, Caden was taken to the doctor’s sister’s family, a Mrs Corrigan. They lived up in the hills in one of those big houses with the two garages and the large garden in the back. Mrs Corrigan did charity work, which meant she collected money for poor people. Mr Corrigan was an architect. They had two children, Matthew and Stephanie. Matthew was only a few months older than Caden, and Stephanie two years younger than both. They looked at him with wide eyes. Caden felt like an animal in a zoo. He had been once, no twice, with Aunt Vicky. Caden sat uncomfortably on a chair in the parlour, while Dr Martin explained ‘the circumstances’ to his sister. She said she would be glad to help, Caden could stay the night. So Caden stayed with the Corrigans, ate at their oval dinner table, tasting food he had never eaten before, eating with real forks and knives and drinking out of glasses made out of real glass, always aware of Matthew and Stephanie watching him.

*

Caden didn’t remember much more of that first dinner with the Corrigans. After dinner there was the bath Mrs Corrigan made him take, wincing herself every time she removed the bandages, shaking her head and murmuring, calling to Mr Corrigan (she called him Fred) so he could see ‘what had happened to the poor boy’. To Caden’s embarrassment Matthew and Stephanie came along and saw him half naked on the closed toilet, though they said nothing and Stephanie even gasped. Mr Corrigan moved them out of the bathroom, closed the door and knelt down next to Caden asking him if he was feeling any pain. Caden answered that after Dr Martin gave him two pills the stinging left. Mr and Mrs Corrigan exchanged a look, a look Caden would come to recognize in later years, and then Mr and Mrs Corrigan got to their feet. Mr Corrigan said something to Mrs Corrigan that Caden couldn’t hear. He took a bath then and Mrs Corrigan was nice enough to look away when he was naked, Caden hated it when Aunt Vicky would never leave the bathroom while he was in the tub.

After the bath he was given one of Matthew’s pyjamas and allowed to sleep in the guest-bedroom. The bed was enormous and the mattress heavenly, not to mention the covers and the pillows. Caden had never slept in such a bed. Mrs Corrigan brought him chocolate chip cookies, the American ones, and warm milk, even though he had already brushed his teeth. Then she asked him if he would like her to read a story. Since Mrs Corrigan had been so nice to him, though he was certain she had no stories he would like, he just shrugged which Mrs Corrigan took as a yes. She asked if he knew The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, and Caden nodded, they’d had one of the teachers read a few chapters to them in school. Did they get to the end? No, the Pevensies were still with the Beavers. So Mrs Corrigan left the room and brought back the book and read on from where Caden’s teacher had left off. He finished his milk and cookies while he listened, Mrs Corrigan could read as good as a teacher. Caden didn’t know when he fell asleep, but he had a very nice dream of sleeping in a cave and waking up at the North Pole where he helped the Christmas Elves pack up the presents, though the presents themselves were odd, enormous toffees, tires the size of houses or a very, very small cavalry and a settlement of Red Indians. They were all alive, and you had to keep them apart otherwise they kept on fighting.

*

The next day, Caden was brought back to the police and Dr Martin, where Aunt Vicky was already waiting arguing very loudly with a large black woman Caden later found out was Mrs Julian. She worked for The City. She was the one who took care that children in orphanages found parents, or if parents weren’t good parents, then the children got new ones. Caden came to like Mrs Julian, she didn’t make a big fuss about things. That day however, she was shouting with Aunt Vicky, though the shouting stopped the moment Aunt Vicky saw him. She knelt down and spread her arms and Caden, seeing everyone was watching, went and let her hug him, though she still smelled of too much perfume. She asked how he was doing and if he had had a nice stay and said he’d been a very naughty boy for running away like that, which made Mrs Julian huff, ‘From what I see, that boy had all the sense to run away,’ which made Aunt Vicky angry. After some more shouting, Mrs Julian asked Caden to come to her, which he did, Mrs Julian wasn’t someone you wanted to say no to. Mrs Julian lifted his shirt and showed Aunt Vicky the bandaged sore spots. Mrs Corrigan could have been a doctor for the way she dressed the spots after his bath.

Aunt Vicky didn’t really understand until Dr Martin gave her the pictures. She looked very shocked. She started crying. Someone gave her a tissue but it became worse. Mrs Julian looked satisfied. Then Mrs Julian found out that Aunt Vicky was in fact not his aunt but Caden’s mother’s best friend. Since Caden’s mother died she always took care to see after him. She knew Greg, the man who apparently was Caden’s father. She knew he drank too much and had a foul temper but this… ‘If Mary would see this,’ she kept on saying. Mary was Caden’s mother’s name. Then Aunt Vicky asked, ‘Darling, why didn’t you tell me?’ which made Mrs Julian angry again. ‘Tell you? Dear God, are you –’ Caden was sure she wanted to say something rude, but instead Mrs Julian said, ‘In a situation like this children don’t talk. And what should he have told you, Hi Aunt Vicky, Daddy tried to kill me today?’ Caden wondered how Mrs Julian knew. Once he only escaped after kicking him where it really hurt. He ran out into the street and didn’t come back until late at night, but by then the man they said was his father was sitting with someone in front of the TV drinking cans of beer.

Aunt Vicky only cried more. There were more arguments, more shouting, and while Caden waited, sitting on a chair facing the glass window in the door, he saw how Mrs Julian and Aunt Vicky went at each other like bulls, only female bulls, and Mrs Julian was winning. Finally, Mrs Julian came out and Aunt Vicky was sitting on a chair, crying again. There was some more talk Caden didn’t understand except for ‘temporary arrangement’ and that the Corrigans were mentioned as well. The long and short of it was that Caden was brought back to the Corrigans, and what started as a temporary arrangement turned into a final one. By the end of three months’ time, Caden was the Corrigan’s Foster Child. From what Caden heard the man everyone said was his father was arrested and then set free and then arrested again, and this time he had to stay in prison for some time, though not due to Caden. Apparently he had stolen something or hurt somebody, a grown-up this time. Caden didn’t listen carefully, nor did he want to know. It was enough that he would never have to see that man again.

© 2014 threegoodwords

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